


Deeper Than Skin

by Semi_problematic



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 21:03:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14553480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: Anonymous said:Carl standing out in the rain by himself when he's at the sanctuary, head up and eye closed not caring how he was soaked to the bone. Not noticing negan come out and wrap his arms around him and they stand there in the rain together





	Deeper Than Skin

Carl stared at himself in the mirror, holding his breath. Living at the Sanctuary was nice but he didn't have to work as hard. Less fighting. Less running. Less working. Where once stood prominent abs now stood a stomach with a thin layer of fat. Carl ran his fingers through his hair and turned to the side, looking at himself in the mirror at a new angle. He bent one leg and popped his ass out, sighing. It was no use. He wasn't built like Negans wives were. He needed to give up.

Negan had a tight. Thin. Breakable. Curvy. Long hair. Carl could only match three of the four. He didn't have boobs or an ass. If he wore the dresses Negans wives wore they would be loose and ugly on him. Carl tried everything to look like them. Suck his stomach in and brush his hair out so it was extra soft. Shave all over so he was smooth like a girl. He tried heels on to see if it made his ass seem rounder, but still nothing worked. He felt hopeless.

Negan loved women. He made a point to show it non stop. With more than eight wives he would spend hours on end with, it was impossible not to see it. Carl was okay with it, he knew having wives didn't mean an emotional bond, but it still meant attraction. Their bodies still made Negans dick hard. And their bodies was something Carl could never compare to. 

A clap of thunder pulled Carl away from is insecure thoughts. It was suffocating, always fearing that he was ugly. He already only had one eye, the other being completely gone. An ugly socket replaced it, along with ripples of scars across his cheek, temple, and forehead. Now he didn't have the body Negan wanted. He wasn't built with curved hips and big tits. He was born slender and small. It made him easy to blend, which may come in handy tonight.

Packing his bags didn't take long. Carl never really owned much. He swung his backpack onto his shoulder and walked out of Negans room, being sure to leave a note on his pillow. An apology and a confession. That's what their relationship was built on. Mistakes, I'm sorry's, and feelings that need to be hidden. Carl made sure to take the back staircase, the place people only went if they wanted to hide. Carl saw Dwight down there a lot, along with one of Negans wives. 

It was pouring rain outside but you couldn't tell from inside the Sanctuary. The walls were so thick it was nearly impossible to hear what was going on outside unless you had windows or your door open. Carl pulled his jacket closer to himself and stood in the rain. Each drop felt like a tiny, cold bullet slamming into him. Where was he going to go? Alexandria? They would welcome him. But how was he going to get there? It was too late to go onto the woods alone but getting a car would involve telling Negan. He was stuck. 

Carl tuned back around and looked up at the Sanctuary. Everyone had finished their jobs and gone to bed. A few lights were on but not many. Negan worked his men hard. Most fell asleep within minutes of getting in bed but others are kept up at night with horrible thoughts on what they've become and memories of what it used to be. Memories were more dangerous than the zombies. They clung to you and reminded you how good it used to be and how bad it is now. No one needs to be reminded how bad it is. 

Carl didn't know he was crying until his head began to hurt. The tears and rain mixed together and thankfully he was not able to tell the difference. Men who watched the gates shouted behind him, carrying on a conversation about which on of Negans wives were the hottest. Carl knew wives weren't only there to fuck. They were also there as a trophy. To show the men what being strong and playing dirty can get them. 

"Carl!" Negans voice was loud compared to the rain. "Where have you been? I've been looking! Dwight said he saw you go into the kitchen but no one saw you go upstairs. I got worried." He walked towards Carl, frowning when he saw him wearing his backpack. "What happened? Did someone fuck with you? I'll kill them, you know I don't tolerate that shit."

"No." Carls voice was a whisper. "No one messed with me. I just kinda... I don't really belong here." He looked up at Negan. More tears fell. He hoped Negan couldn't see the difference. "I'm not like your wives, I shouldn't be here." 

"What's this all about?" Negan pulled his jacket off and wrapped it around Carl. "You should be here, you belong here. All my people, they love you-" 

"But do you love me?" Carl asked. "I don't have hips or boobs and I look like shit in dresses. I don't wear makeup and I don't have both my eyes-"

"I love you." Negan mumbled. "I don't want you to be like my wives. They don't know the same pain you do. They didn't have to fight like you did. I love you." 

Carl stared at him, wide eyed. Negan loved him. It was the first time he had ever said such a thing. Carl felt like his heart was beating louder than the rain was hitting the ground.

"Let's get you inside." Negan mumbled, wrapping his arm around Carl, guiding him towards the door. "Get you changed."

"I'll change on my own." Carl mumbled. He needed to throw the note away before Negan found it. "And I love you too."


End file.
